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Self Esteem

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Self-esteem is the way you think about yourself and this image can be negative or positive. If you've low self-esteem, you often feel inadequate. With a positive self-image you feel good about who you are and you accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. You find yourself okay, regardless of the performance you deliver, your status or your possessions. A high degree of self-esteem is an important condition for happiness and success, both in your private life and in your career.

High self-esteem

If you value yourself positively, you make your own choices and you do things your way. Of course you sometimes ask someone else for his or her opinion, but you realize that it's ultimately about what you find and feel. A healthy appreciation for yourself is the basis from which you establish and maintain contact with others. It ensures that you can face others openly and appreciate them for who they are. Self-esteem gives you the peace and inner confidence to make difficult decisions and to respond to others in an assertive way. People with high self-esteem don't have to prove their worth by measuring themselves against others. Self-esteem is therefore different self confidence. Self-esteem is deeper and affects your self-confidence. When you say of yourself: "I'm kind and worth it," this will generate a lot of confidence. But if you think: "I'm so clumsy as well, of course my colleagues don't like me" then you harm your self-confidence.

Low self-esteem

Am I doing well? Do I make the right decision? Have I not failed my colleague? Do I look good? If you don't appreciate yourself enough, you quickly doubt yourself. You think that you are not good enough or that you are worthless. You don't rate yourself that high and you literally feel 'less worthy'. You have an ideal picture in your head and only when you meet this, are you okay. That, of course, is not realistic at all and you always disappoint yourself. What you think about yourself depends on the opinion or admiration of others. You often only feel good when others say that they appreciate you, look up to you or when you are better off than the other. If the other person is doing worse than you or if he lives in a less expensive house, then you feel good. If the other person does better than you do, you feel the lesser. Usually you focus on one aspect and don't look at the total picture. You see your neighbor driving around in a Volvo XC 60, while you've to deal with an old Fiat Punto. You overlook that your neighbor makes long days and has hardly any time for his children.

If you often doubt yourself, you will generally be inclined to go along with the opinion of others - usually more dominant people. You then assume that their opinion is worth more than yours. If they don't agree with you, you immediately think that you are wrong (and therefore wrong).

How do you get (more) self-esteem?

Do you still recognize that feeling that you had as a teenager when you looked in the mirror in the morning and discovered a thick pimple on your nose? The rest of the day you only saw the big red pimple and nothing else. You were convinced that you didn't look and your whole day, no, your whole life, was shattered. This is also how it works if you've low self-esteem. Many people with little self-esteem are perfectionist and have very high standards for themselves. They judge themselves on performance, behavior, characteristics, status or property and count themselves on this: "If I live in a larger / more expensive / nicer house or have a flashy career, they will like me. " The nasty thing about this, however, is that after the achievement of a certain result, the measuring rod becomes higher and higher. It is an insatiable hunger. Because of this, they have a one-sided view of themselves, because they 'forget' the good things they do and the qualities they already have (naturally).

It is absolutely unrealistic to value yourself less on the basis of one or more behaviors or traits. A much more productive way of looking at yourself is to see yourself as a unique person who is valuable and has many options. You don't have to be a perfect version of yourself. The positive glasses that you wear then ensure that you are in a very different way of life. You will still see that pimple, but you will also see your beautiful brown eyes, those funny dimples in your cheeks and your radiant smile.

Take action!

Improving your self-esteem and self-confidence is a must to feel better about yourself and simply live a happier life. Others can give you compliments, love you, but if you are not convinced of it, then it's worth nothing. To boost your self-esteem and to tackle your thinking patterns, you've to get started yourself.

See yourself as a unique person

Check with yourself why you are not feeling well enough. All kinds of experiences may have created sabotage mechanisms that cause you to lower your own value. Do experiences in your youth play a role in this or do more recent events influence this? If you notice that it takes a lot of time for you to think about this, then it might be wise to get professional help from a psychologist or life coach.

To see yourself as a unique person with many talents, it's important to have a good idea of ??yourself. The following questions can help you gain more self-knowledge :

- Who am I?
- How do I look? What is nice about me?
- Who are my friends?
- What kind of work do I do?
- How do I relax? What do I like to do?
- What are my qualities, my good qualities?
- What are my points for improvement? What do I still want to work on?
- What successes am I proud of? This can be a business goal, but also the happy relationship with your partner or the first place you've achieved with the brass band. What happens to you when you think back to this?

Take yourself as you are

Make it a habit to focus more on the positive than on the negative sides of yourself. Silence that inner critic. So take a good look at the answers you've just given and let them have a good effect on you. How do others actually talk about you? Ask your mother or your best friend what she likes about you. Don't wave a compliment away, just let it come in and enjoy this gift. This can be quite awkward, because people who don't have much self-esteem find it difficult to receive a compliment from someone else. They quickly question a compliment because they can't believe that others really appreciate them for what they do and what they find.

Then accept who you are, including your weaknesses. That doesn't mean that you no longer have to work on yourself, but it's about accepting that you are not perfect and can make mistakes. If you've a good sense of self-worth, you will find the necessary strength to work on those lesser sides and have less fear of failure. Every person is sometimes insecure or afraid of making mistakes, even the most confident person. Try to discover and acknowledge your fears and uncertainties. Accept that you feel fear, but don't let it hinder you. Give yourself a compliment, a pat on the back is also part of this.

In addition, stop comparing yourself with someone else. When you compare yourself with others, the way you look at yourself always depends on how the other person performs or what the other person has. This way you will never achieve stable high self-esteem, because there will always be someone who drives a thicker car, has a better job or lives in a larger and more expensive house.

Know your goals and values

A sense of self-esteem is related to what your goals and values ??are in life and whether you've met and lived up to them. Do you know what your goals are? Push your limits and set goals outside your comfort zone. You will find that you feel proud when you reach a goal and boost your confidence. If something doesn't work right away, don't blame yourself. Maybe you can learn it in the future, but maybe you can't. If the latter is the case, accept this and focus on things that are feasible.

If you get an eye for all your own capabilities and qualities, then your self-confidence increases. You get more and more control over what determines your self-esteem. You will notice that it's easier and easier to distance yourself from small events in which you sometimes do something that is less good.

Arrogant

Many people fear that they will be labeled arrogant or narcissistic if they show that they love themselves and enjoy their successes. But there is a world of difference between positive self-esteem and arrogance. An arrogant person places himself on a pedestal and feels better or more important than others. They often show their superiority by emphasizing the inferiority of others; I'm fine and not you. Someone with a high degree of self-esteem not only finds himself, but also the other person worthwhile and shows this. People with a high self-esteem know that they matter, they don't have to prove their worth by measuring themselves against others. The more someone accepts himself, the more he or she equals others: I'm fine and so are you.

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